A Little Too Late
by Ayame Mizikai
Summary: [AU:OOC]Meet Kagome,a young princess who is forced into accecpting the fact that she is being given as a prize for a tournament so that she can combine kingdoms and keep the royal blood line. Meet Inuyasha,a young man who found out what he won after the..
1. The Potentially Insane

**Author's Note:** New account, yes! Well I am going to have all brand new stories and new..er...things! On with the story.

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**Chapter One: The Potentially Insane**

**O**nce upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess. She had long black locks, snow-white skin, deep dark brown eyes, and always wore the most proper dresses. Her personality was as sweet as honey, her laughter always a silver tinkling bell, and her parents absolutely adored her. They all lived very happily in a castle until it came to the princess's marrying age, where they held a tournament that would go on for three days and three nights in honor of the beautiful princess. Whoever won the tournament would win the princess's hand in marriage, gaining the kingdom and so forth. And the tournament, held exclusively for princes, only gave out the best of the best. And so she married and lived happily ever after.

PFFFFTTTTT, YEAH RIGHT!

My name is Princess Kagome Hana Higurashi The First, daughter of the king and queen who rule the biggest kingdom in the country ever known in the past 250 years.

And that means I can kick your butt like no other.

"Kiku! Kiku Kiku Kiku Kiku!" I yelled, sprinting down the hallway and skidding down the hard stone floor recklessly. Honestly, if somebody fell and hit his/her head, he/she'd be dead in a blink of an eye. I'm not sure if it was very smart to be running down a hard stone hallway, but hey—c'est la vie.

I ran pass the suits of armor, the tapestries, and all them potted plants when I swung into a room by grabbing the door and pushing myself through enthusiastically. I jumped and landed with my arms spread out wide.

"TA-DA!"

A bunch of old ladies stared at me with open, vacant, and frightened eyes. There was a moment of silence as I stared at them and them me.

"Hi?"

My nanny, Kiku, slowly got up, grabbing her cane as she hobbled forward to the middle of the circle. The women had formed a circle of chairs in the center of my room, all sewing something or another.

"Princess," she said warningly.

"Hi, Nanny," I said soothingly, backing up slowly, "Is that a new haircut? A new dress? Because, you know, I love that 'I'm an old maiden' look on you. I mean, on other people it'd be like—'no way!' But you, on you it's absolutely ravishing. Is that a new haircut?"

My nanny may be small, somewhat shrunken, and old, but I doubt I would never stop fearing her. I love her, but she gives me the willies. She has these gray, shark eyes that really just dig into you like a hook and shake the wiggins out of you.

Like she was doing now. She did that whenever I got into trouble. Which was often.

"Oh! Look at the time," I blabbered on aimlessly, "I really have to go. You know, places to go, people to see…"

"YOU COME BACK HERE LADY KAGOME HANA HIGURASHI THE FIRST!" she yelled, shaking her designer cane after me. Well, no need to go nasty and pull out all the names on me. Whenever she pulled out my whole name, that could only mean one thing. Deep. Doo. Doo.

Doo doo. I once stepped on doo doo. That was a messy incident and oh—she's approaching me.

I turned around and sprinted out, fearing for my dear life. Hitting my head against a stonewall would be the least of my problems if Nanny caught up to me.

"KAGOME!" she screamed, and she began to chase me down the hall. She might be 80-something, but she can still run like the dickens.

"I HAVE A TWO O' CLOCK APPOINTMENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" I screamed back, flinging myself down the stairs in a hurry. A butler was coming up the stairs and I almost knocked him out of the way. He was only saved from rolling down the stairs to his early demise by clutching onto the wall with a death grip.

"Terribly sorry," I blabbered quickly, "It's a long story and my nanny is chasing me and is that raspberry tarts?"

"Yes," he said in a daze, holding out the platter slightly. It was a tight squeeze, since it was a winding stone stairway. It led down to darkness with only mortal torches lighting the way. "Want one?"

"Oh, yes! Sugar!" I yelped in happiness. Mm. I love sugar. Sugar is good. I like sugar. (Drool) It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and good inside. You want a rush? Eat sugar.

"NO YOU IDIOT! HAVE YOU REALIZED WHAT YOU UNLEASHED!" my nanny gasped, clutching her cane to her chest with her gray eyes wide open and staring at us. I, my mouth stuff full like a chipmunk full of tarts, looked up like a deer in headlights and sprang down the stairs again. I still caught the last part of her declaration. "You never give the princess sugar! Never, you idiot, never!"

Geesh. My nanny had this big paranoia that I got hyper on sugar. No way. I don't gethyperonsugarInevergethyperonsugarsugarhypernoway

But I continued to race down the stairs, hurtling over cats and torches along the way. Faster and faster the stairs wound until I leapt out into a bigger hallway. This led to the doorway to freedom where guards stood solemnly in line. I once sat up a picnic in front of them to see if they would change guards, or if they laughed, or did anything other than just stand there. They didn't, but they did eat the raspberry tart I offered them.

But they had these gigantic, pointy objects that they called 'spears'. Believe me, I've seen spears before, and spears are wooden sticks with sharp pointy things on them. The things they carried were more like humongo sword, with glinting edges and sharp edges. But I had asked them anyways for the proper name to call them, ever since that incident where Daddy Dearest brought Uncle Mersir into the palace. I asked Uncle if he had a big appetite, since he carried that huge fork around with him all the time.

Eh. Trident. Fork. Whatever.

How was I supposed to know it was a trident? I mean, honestly. We make so many weapons out of cutlery. Gigantic fork trident. Gigantic knife sword. Gigantic spoon catapult. Can't we all just get along without having huge food fights?

Anyways. I nimbly leapt onto the table, dodged the guard's pointy objects, and opened the door to freedom.

It was raining outside. Eh, freedom could wait until a sunnier day.

"Hey," one of the guards began.

"Sorry. Am I letting the chill in?" I asked, looking back at them. My nanny was hurtling at us with full speed, but the guards didn't notice that yet.

"Well, yes," the other admitted, "And it's cold outside."

"Terribly sorry," I apologized, "but you see…" I stepped back, just in time to let my nanny drive on into the rain, unable to stop her momentum. "…I need to escape."

Then I dashed back into the room…and found myself smashing my beautiful petite face into brass buttons.

Okay, I wasn't beautiful. I was born ugly. I'll stay ugly. Live with it. My hair was a straight, plain black, my skin was an uneven shade of tan, and my mouth was twisted to one side. But my face did not need the extra abuse of smashing into buttons.

"Watch where you're going," I said crossly to the buttons. Then the buttons mildly shook as they vibrated sound. Or rather, the person who was wearing the nice buttons spoke to me.

"Kagome Hana Higurashi…" They must have given me that long name just to make sure I knew when I was in trouble. I looked up mildly at whoever was saying that and saw a big man with beard, glaring down at me.

"Hi, Daddy," I squeaked, "Are those new buttons? They're absolutely ravishing. Love them." I gently pulled out a sleeve and began to polish the button. One big beefy hand caught me as a dripping wet hand was placed on my shoulder.

Trapped.

"Kagome," my nanny said hoarsely, her eyes glinting. It amused me, even though it shouldn't, that she was completely wet through and through.

"What has she done this time?" my father asked tiredly, rumbling again.

"I resent that," I said, "Why do you all assume that I would be in trouble? I could be getting some fabulous award and run in here to tell you and all you would say is 'what has she done this time?'"

"When have you ever won an award?" my father asked, rubbing his brow.

"…When I won the fifty-yard dash!" I proclaimed excitedly.

"In first grade," my nanny said dryly, tapping her cane impatiently on the ground, "Never mind what she has done, sir, other than acted so _improperly_ on the first day that her marriage is to be decided…"

Improper. Yeah, that's my nanny's favorite word all right. 'Improper' this, 'improper' that. Come on, you try to be proper when you're wearing a corset tighter that a dying man's grip---wait. Hold on. Baaaacck it up.

"Marriage?" I squeaked.

"Marriage," my father said smoothly, "Why don't you run upstairs and change into your dress…?"

"Marriage!" I was practically screaming, waving my arms around wildly at a moment's notice. "No! No way! I am way too young to be married! I have a right! I reserve my fifth amendment until further notice! I quote Section Five of the Constitution or whatnot and use the Lame Duck Amendment for my appareled!"

"Number one, none of those have anything to do with your marriage. Two, you're sixteen. Three, we're already late as it is and you need to change. Whoever wins the jousting tournament is to be your dearly beloved." Father straightened up, polishing his buttons for himself. "Now that that's over with…" He marched smartly to a side door.

"Can't we have a rain check?" I hollered hopelessly behind him.

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**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"You're going to have the happiest day of your life decided for you today, sweetie. Why the long face?" my father asked, munching on the chicken. We were in the box on the sidelines, with the entire jousting rounds covered with a huge colorful tent. It was almost completely jammed with people, everybody screaming themselves hoarse.

I was slumped over, grimacing to my best ability. I also had a book by my side. Princess Suki Ta Wa always told me that a book was the best way to save face when you were bored. But only thin ones, apparently. Big ones meant you were too intelligent for your own good. There goes War and Peace, anyways. I was going to use it to hit people on the head, too…

"Why the long face? Why didn't anybody tell me earlier, so I could run away or do something princess-y like that?" I grumbled.

"Exactly the reason. Don't worry, darling, I made sure they were all princes so we could combine kingdoms in the future," my father said smoothly, gnawing at his chicken as he gazed at me. I sat on his right, Mother on his left. Rather, what was left of Mother, but I'll leave it at that.

"There's the reason why there's a much bigger crowd than usual," I sighed, "I just thought this was like the Super Bowl…with more violence. That's why it attracts people, you know. It has a whole lot more violence for the manly men to come and watch people get seriously injured. Oh yeah. Feel the hormones."

"Language, honey," my father murmured helpfully. Yeah, yeah.

"That is not the point! You set me up, you devious man you!" I grumbled, jabbing a finger at my father accusingly.

"It's going to begin," my father said excitedly, looking like a five-year-old all over again. He was sweet in that sense, but horribly out of it in all the others. Jousting, however, was boring to me. Two guys charge at each other with toothpicks-gone-crazy and everybody cheers when one lands on the ground, possibly breaking a limb or worse. Isn't that nice? To fall down and hear everybody cheering?

I was, all in all, taking marriage pretty calmly. I think it was either shock or denial. Either way, I still wasn't watching the stupid tournament.

_With defiance,_ I jerked out my book, began chewing slowly on a piece of popcorn, and started to read.

Curiouser and curiouser.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

Inuyasha hesitated with the horse, looking up at the prince with a fearful glance. There were so many people! Colorful people, people people, girls people, women people! They pushed and shoved him around, but they were all people! He had never seen so many people in his life! They must have stretched on for hours and hours on end! So many people!

"What's the hold up?" the prince called out grumpily from his shaded tent. The body-builders were carrying a large purple and yellow tent, pushing through the crowds. Inuyasha was taking care of the beautiful horse, leading it through the people. He felt a bit faint, and rather overwhelmed. So many people…

"There's a lot of people, sire," Inuyasha called back.

"Yeah, yeah. Lead on." The prince's word was the law, Inuyasha told himself as he slipped on. The horse neighed softly, as if responding to him. Inuyasha mildly wondered for the moment what a tournament was, what jousting was, and what the prize was. In the order of importance.

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**Author's Note:** I er hope you enjoyed? lol please leave your comments!


	2. Winning Yet Losing

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry I mut say that Inuyasha and Kagome are kind of ooc. I'm sorry. This idea just sort of pop into my head and while I was writting this chapter I realized they were out of character. If you want something with them more in character "Dark Secrets: Tears of The Heart" is the story. But this story is good in and of itself nonetheless...ENJOY!

**Chapter Two: Winning Yet Losing **

I watched, bored, as the men steadied their horses and prepared to charge at one another. The horses flared their nostrils dangerously, like sumo wrestlers. Their eyes, past their foolishly colorful masks, judged each other's strength, speed, agility, and endurance. They pranced eagerly and nervously, trying to see if they could win or not and whether or not the other would stand and fight. Their muscles rippled elegantly; sweat dripping down their fine fur. But each would not give in, each with their powerful, powerful strength…

The horses were more interesting than the men. Honestly, that's my interest level here.

The tournament was staged under a huge, loping tent, the tents safely inside where the men were preparing for their next round up. The referee seemed to be having a good time and the guards were having a difficult time pushing back the crowd, so cheerful and happy were they. They were barely contained into the box we pushed them in, with the pretty flags and such.

Rah.

I returned back to my book as the men began to charge.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"Say here, young chap, tie the horse outside," the prince instructed, shaking off his coat as if it had gotten wet. Dumb and Dumber, the bodyguards, stood obediently outside the small tent. Luckily, the huge tent covered the entire tournament grounds so nobody—with the exception of the people who didn't have tickets—got wet.

"Yes, sir," Inuyasha stammered. The sights! The sounds! The big city was absolutely overwhelming in every single sense. Never before had he smelled such strange substances, nor such wonderful food! And so many people, exotically walking around as if they owned the place! Which they probably did! Princes! Royalty! Yes, oh yes, how many of them there were! Never before had he seen such a crowd or the horses or—

When he had first approached the city, he had just stood still and gaped. The buildings towered over everything and the people there were so plentiful…laughter rang through the air and everybody was running or playing or something. So unlike the place he came from.

And now he worked for the prince.

He wasn't really sure what happened, but now he was, and he would do his job correctly. Maybe Dumb could help him figure out how to saddle up the horse properly.

"Here, girl," Inuyasha murmured to the horse, leading it outside to tie onto the pole. The horse bent down to nibble some grass.

"Squire!"

"Yes, sir?" Inuyasha asked, ducking back into the tent. The prince was sitting on the cot, looking a bit green.

"How's the crowd?" the prince managed.

"Big, sire." Inuyasha's eyes grew huge. "I've never seen such a crowd."

"I've seen worse," the prince dismissed, "And how fine does the fair princess look?"

"Princess?"

"Never mind, you country yokel," the prince said loftily, smiling down at Inuyasha sickly. "But, as you can see, I don't think I'm quite up to being in the tournament."

"Shall we begin to pack up, sir?" Inuyasha asked, slightly bowing. He bit his lip nervously, waiting his prince's orders.

"No. My father would be angry if our kingdom didn't compete in such a prestigious event. Try to find a substitute for me, will you old chap?" the prince said with a wayward grin. Then he winced, clutching his stomach again.

"Prince, let me take care of you," Inuyasha cried, worry etched on his forehead.

"Never mind me. Get a substitute," the prince snarled.

"You'll still get the prize, right?" Inuyasha asked hopefully.

"Of course, not, you git, whoever wins the tournament gets it. It doesn't say whether or not you need to be royalty. Now get our kingdom's flag and ride the horse to find a good, young hard-working man to win our kingdom's honor," the prince gasped, lying back on the cot. Inuyasha worriedly moved towards him.

"NOW! GO NOW!" the prince howled, suddenly getting better and picking up a rock to chuck it at Inuyasha's head. Inuyasha scampered out quickly, untying the horse and picking up the flag. For the first time, he examined the flag closely.

It was a dark, rich purple with a…rabbit…in the middle.

Inuyasha stared at it blankly for a few moments.

Then he hopped on the horse, bareback, and patted the horse's hindquarters fondly.

"Hidey ho," he said charmingly, and the horse began to move forward.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"Excuse me," Inuyasha called out timidly, feeling sweat drip down the back of his shirt, "Excuse me, will you—excuse me—"

"No, I don't want anymore of your cookies!" the man growled, pushing the horse away as he continued to move forward. Inuyasha felt like fainting or something that would make him disappear from the horrible place. They were near the area where they prepared the men to start the tournament, a stable-like area behind where the King and his daughter sat so they wouldn't need to see the preparations.

Inuyasha wanted to try again, but he wanted not to. It was a twisted situation, actually. He was loved back at the monastery because he was so soft-spoken, but out in the real world, he was shamed for the same fact. Interesting.

"Excuse me," he said again to an official looking man holding a clipboard, "Will you—"

"Kingdom of Bunnies," the man read out, "Just in time, young man. Let's get you saddled up—did you bring your squire? No? No matter, we have some extras; just come right this way, sir, what armor do you want? No armor at all? Shiny? With your crest? Anything is fine, young man?"

Inuyasha found himself in the stables, the room full of equipment of jousting sticks and armor. He gaped as the horse began to get saddled up, cloaked in dark purple with gold fringes. And suddenly, he found people were beginning to attach _armor_ onto him! Armor!

"Excuse me, but I'm not—you must be mistaken—hey, what are you---ow!" They clamped on the armor and quickly hoisted him on the horse.

The man with the clipboard handed him his lance.

"Have a nice day." And Inuyasha found himself holding a sharp pointy object, riding a purple horse, and somehow unable to see anything through the thick helm of his helmet.

Oh boy.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"And now let's see if this daring newcomer can defeat our champion so far, La Rusty De Monet!"

La Rusty circled around again on his black, black horse, holding his black lance high up as his black armor dully glinted against the torches being lit up. He had defeated every prince so far and Father looked so happy…

"Toshi," I chanted, "Toshi, Toshi, Toshi, Toshi."

My father glared at me strangely.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. I'm not marrying someone with a name like La Rusty, especially when you give your own name," I defended, "Besides, what kind of guy wears black? And, by the way, what happens if it's a tie? I go off happily on my own without marriage?"

"Well…"

"If that's the case, I want the other guy to win," I said determinedly. I had put my book down, since it was getting to be nightfall. It was too dark to read now.

"No, you'll have to marry both." My father said that with such seriousness I wasn't sure if he was joking or not. I stared at him through the darkness.

"YOU CAN DO IT, LA RUSTY!" I screamed.

"Honestly, Kagome, calm down. Don't get overexcited about two guys trying to charge at each other," my father said mildly, putting his head back on the throne.

"Is this really going to take three days and three nights?" I sighed.

"Well, it's your choice. Three is a magic number. It's that, or midnight," my father said doubtfully, "And, well, I kind of like this match. But this will be the last guy up before we circle them around again."

"Yeah, everybody has an equal chance," I sighed. "Look, I'll succumb to my fate if you end this torture."

"You don't like watching sports, do you?"

"What tipped you off? The constant whining? Or the painful screams?"

"The latter." My father leaned forward, looking at the last contestant. "Hm. This looks new."

"Whatever. LA RUSTY! WHOO! LET'S GET A WAVE GOING OVER THERE, PEOPLE!"

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

It was too dark out. Inuyasha wasn't sure if that was the helm or it was just the night. Either way, he couldn't see a single thing. He was also having a hard time breathing, making strange sounds. And he also couldn't hear the other person talking to him, leading his horse somewhere. He leaned down.

"What is your name?" the man screamed again. Oh. Announcer guy.

"INU-YASHA!" he enunciated through the helmet.

"Mister Man?" the man screamed.

"Inuyasha! I N U Y A S H A!"

"Oh. Inuyasha. FROM THE KINGDOM OF BUNNIES?"

"NO! WELL, YES, BUT—"

"GOOD LUCK, Inuyasha OF BUNNIES!"

"WAIT!" Inuyasha swung around wildly, "I'm not from the Kingdom of Bunnies! I don't even know how to joust! I don't even know what jousting is! I'm from a monastery, for goodness sakes, and a monk-in-training! I got picked up by the prince one night and I had to travel as his squire ever since! And now my life is coming unattached!" He wailed the last word loudly.

Which was the only thing the man caught.

"Inuyasha FROM THE KINGDOM OF BUNNIES CHALLENGES LA RUSTY TO A DEATH MATCH!" the announcer boomed. Suddenly, the crowd fell silent.

"What? What did you say?" Inuyasha asked. All that could be heard was a faint buzzing around his helmet.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"What's a Death Match?" I asked mildly.

"Well, death is banned since way back when," my father said doubtfully, "But from what I can recall, it means he just challenged La Rusty to a challenge where the winner gets to decide on the other's life. Whoever wins is the ultimate winner. Most people don't call on it because they're princes, after all, with their young lives to live, but some…"

"Crazy person," I summed it up, "Who is it?"

"Mister Man from the Kingdom of Bunnies or something like that," my father shrugged.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

Inuyasha began to breathe really hard now. The armor was too tight, the helm was shut tight, and everything was going badly for him. He didn't understand what the announcer said or what was going to happen, but he was pretty sure all he needed to do was raise his joust, get knocked off, and then go happily home to pray some more.

If all went well, he'd only break one limb.

He hoisted up his jousting stick, but nothing seemed to happen. He couldn't hear the outside crowd very much, just that they were cheering. Maybe he had time to open his helm…but one hand was holding the reins. Or what he thought was reins. Maybe it was just strings from his fancy armor.

Whatever it was, he was getting hot in there. It was like he was being fried in metal wrappings. He raised the jousting lance up, trying to open the helm. But the lance was so heavy! He could barely even lift it up, nonetheless keep it held. But he wanted the helm open and he wanted it open _now_.

The lance had other ideas, however, and gravity kept on pulling it back as his thickly gloved hand attempted to crack the helm. He shuddered, feeling the vibrations as the lance kept on banging on his head. Ow. Ow. Ow. Hey, why was the crowd cheering louder?

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

I leaned forward, finally getting interest sparked up. Huh. I liked this.

La Rusty was proudly waving to his fans, and blowing kisses at me, but I wasn't paying attention. Mister Man, with his bright purple armor, was trying to raise his lance. He looked like he was having trouble, as if the lance was much too heavy for him.

I watched with interest as Mister Man slowly raised the lance wobbly higher and higher, as if sending a greeting to La Rusty. La Rusty noticed, raising his lance in return. Then he got in the ready position by the fence-looking thing, where both would charge along to hit each other.

For once, I held my breath. I was interested. Would the purple bunny stand a chance against La Rusty? Only one way to find out…

Mister Man was fumbling with his helm. It looked stuck, but there was a catch on the side. Everybody knew that. All he'd have to do is flick it, and then slits would appear in the helm uncovered. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it.

"Somebody should help him," I murmured to my father.

"La Rusty already began," he said, alarmed and stood up abruptly. Oh, shoot. La Rusty was doing his awesome Terror of Death move, charging so quickly that he was almost a blur within a few seconds. It was a horror movie in slow motion. Too quickly, they would crash, and this would be purely murder.

Poor Mister Man…

I stood up, too, to get a better view. In the precious few seconds left, Purple Bunny did not move. He, instead, was trying to get control of the lance that was hitting him on the head again and again.

His horse was bent down, nibbling the grass, when it looked up to the black blur approaching it. It went back to eating, and then looked back up.

Then it happened.

It was like in super slow motion. La Rusty stretched out his lance…he was going to pierce the horse…the black horse was moving so quickly…the purple one was peacefully eating…Mister Man was hitting himself…when Mister Man lost control of his lance…flying out of his hand…and smacking La Rusty right smartly on the helmet.

La Rusty pulled on the reins abruptly with a somewhat hollow cry, Mister Man's lance landing solidly on the ground. Mister Man seemed confused, patting the horse strangely. La Rusty's horse rose up in a screeching neigh. Ordinary horses might have sprung back, but the purple horse calmly looked up, and then backs down as it continued eating the grass.

The crowd roared in excitement, the adrenaline pumping like crazy.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

Oh, shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. Where'd his lance go?

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"Is that horse crazy?" I screamed over the rush of sound.

"The horse? What about that man?" my father yelled back, leaning against the balcony as he tried to squint against the darkness.

"I like that horse," I muttered to myself. And I really did. Anybody who would continue eating through danger and so forth earned my respect.

La Rusty had managed to stay on his horse, clutching onto his black steed like there was no tomorrow. But Mister Man from the Kingdom of Bunnies—well, he was just ruthless. He fumbled with his sword, beginning to chop at the grass unevenly. That too seemed to be too heavy for him and he almost dropped it more than once.

And that more than enough time for La Rusty to grab his sword and begin a wild charge at Mister Man.

"La Rusty is using his FAMOUS move, the Slam-Dunkin' Sword Slammer!" the announcer guy boomed out, waving his torch around furiously. The crowd screamed.

"He hasn't done that since the eighteen eighties!" my father gasped, leaning forward even more. The balcony started to tip from his weight. I eyed it nervously, decided that it was going to fall sooner than later, and stood carefully away from it.

"Sports. I so love them," I said dryly, "What is the Slam Dunk of a Sword, anyways?"

"Slam-Dunkin' Sword Slammer, dear," my father corrected.

"Yeah, same thing."

"Well, honey, it's where the knight shoves the sword very nicely into the other knight's armor and injures them to death," my father said, looking at me with light in his eyes. I stared openly at him.

"Did you just—did you—"

"Yep. Mister Man will die," my father predicted, leaning even more. The balcony creaked.

"No, hold on, back it up here," I demanded, stomping my foot, "Did you just call me 'HONEY'?"

"Uh…yes, this will be a brutal loss of life," my father said, not looking at me in the eye.

"HONEY is for WIMPS! Honey is the evil offspring of bees! Honey is so sickeningly sweet it's like the sweetdom of the sickeningly sweet! And you DARE call your FAVORITE DAUGHTER by that name! I'll have you know that I'm Princess Kagome Hana Higurashi The First , thank you very much, and all six prestigious names CANNOT BE CALLED HONEY!"

"Your name is Kagome Hana Higurashi, actually," my father managed meekly.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID! DO YOU HEAR A 'HONEY' IN THERE? NO! THERE IS NO SICKENINGLY SWEET FOOD IN MY NAME!" I screamed. I was throwing a temper tantrum, I know. But I just found out I was getting married to a guy named La Rusty. Come on—what would you have done? Reasonably sat down and convinced my father that you were way too young?

…That probably would have worked, it occurs to me now.

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

Inuyasha cursed in his head. _Spirit of Morgana, what have I gotten myself into? _

He had a dooming feeling in the pit of his stomach. For one thing, he hadn't eaten breakfast that morning. Well, the prince did throw a chicken leg at him, but it had hit him on the head and fallen into the mud. He still would have eaten if the cannibal chickens hadn't come and taken it away.

Using whatever was attached to his belt, he waved the strong object through the grass, still searching for his lance. He needed his lance, especially if La Rusty or whoever it was began charging. He poked again. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

The horse moved somewhat, as if helping him search.

"Thank you," he mumbled, but all that came out was "mmm mm."

Stupid helm. Why'd they have to seal him in like baked potatoes? It was HEAVY for one thing. Raising his arm was a task turning more and more difficult for him. Hot and sweaty, and getting sweatier, he dragged the thing through the grass. Then he felt a clunk.

It must be his lance! But how was he supposed to get it? If he got down, he knew for a certain fact that he would hug the ground whimpering and never get back up. Groaning in frustration, he put his head into the horse's mane. Why wasn't anybody helping him?

"Why me?" he wailed in anger and frustration, throwing up the object with an openhearted wreck. And yanked the horse up. Either that or the Earth suddenly decided to tilt 23 ½ degrees with greater acceleration. He was sliding down, down, down…finally, he would sit down on the ground, never get back up, kiss it fervently with a newborn's carefulness and a fierce hug…

Oh, great. What now?

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"In a remarkable turn of events, Mister Man has done a total 180 on La Rusty! La Rusty charges past! Oh! He just got—Oh!"

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. If I had seen correctly, Mister Man had just thrown _up _his sword and pulled his horse back…and then swung around to the horse's belly just as La Rusty charged past! It was am amazing move!

"His foot seems to be stuck," the announcer called, "And his hand in the reins. But it was an absolutely AMAZING move! Let's see if Mister Man can continue to pull miracles out of that suit of his!"

"He's hanging by a thread," my father muttered fervently, rubbing his hands together.

And this is how my father contributed to my wedding. He broke the balcony.

Okay, yes, he leaned on the balcony and it had snapped, sending them both over the edge, but that was what made La Rusty look over, which was what made the purple horse sidestep neatly, and that was when the sword landed an inch from La Rusty's horse's face.

La Rusty gave a sudden cry again as the horse screamed in fear, pulling back quickly as it rose up. La Rusty slid down and landed on his butt. My father, lying on his stomach, looked up just in time as the announcer called out, "WE HAVE A WINNER!"

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

NOW people were finally helping him off. Inuyasha wondered momentarily, dizzily, if he had just wet his coat of armor, but at that moment he didn't care. They were loosening his reins, saying something—he couldn't hear—and finally he managed to slide down. They were steadying him and someone was trying to remove his helmet.

Inuyasha let them unhook it and they yanked it off, letting him breathe fresh air for an instant. It was dark out with torches lit on the sides, and the royalty box seemed to have something missing, but at that moment, he didn't care.

"LAND!" he cried happily, flopping on the ground gently and hugging the grass tightly. "Oh, sweet, beautiful land…oh…I love you…never leave me…"

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

"It's Award Day, honey, aren't you happy?" my father asked, poking his head in. I was sitting on the chair, counting the holes in the wall. I had gotten to twenty-two.

"Happy? On a day I have to wear a DRESS? And what's with people and PUFFY shoulders, anyways? I happen to have nice shoulders that I like. I don't need to have puffiness to disguise my shoulders," I grumbled, "And what's this about youthful colors I hear? Can't I wear black? It's youthful. Happy. Cheerful."

"But you're meeting your soon-to-be husband," my father said with a mischievous wink. I groaned softly. My father was so clueless sometimes, like a five-year-old. Sometimes I had to be the adult in the family…

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" I screamed, throwing down my quill in anger as I trembled, "I will not wed a guy whose name is Mister Man! I refuse to! I call a strike! I HAVE RIGHTS!"

"You're handing him the trophy, dear," my father said distractedly, brightening his buttons on his tunic, "Be out in five minutes. We're holding the awarding ceremony right outside the castle." Then he disappeared from my doorway.

"I WANT MY LAWYER!" I yelled afterwards, shaking a fist. I could have put a whole lot more of a fight if I wanted to. But I didn't want to, at least not at the moment. If I married a big, fat, disgusting man with a slobbering double chin, then yes, I would pull out all stops and making life a whirlwind of horribleness for my family. But maybe this guy wouldn't be so bad…but I'm not letting anybody else know this.

"Kagome, duty check!" my nanny grumbled, poking into my room.

"Whatever, Kiku," I said casually, slinging my arm around her shoulders and leading her out, barely keeping from tripping over my own dress. "Now, you and me? I see a future. Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. We got future. We got fate. We got chutzpah. Now, we have something." I spread a hand out as I led her outside, swishing against the air.

"Can't you see it?" I asked dreamily, "Together. Forever. We could be like Elmo and Louise or whatever."

"Kagome," my nanny said in a tightly constrained voice. Her face was turning a good shade of red.

"We'll start a sewing business. You sew, I watch. We'll make a fair living out in the woods together. We'll be happy, life loving, ba de ba baaaaa, you know?"

"Ka-go-me." Uh-oh. Choppy words. Not good.

"Just hand over the key and we'll live happily ever after, just like in all those stupid soppy books you used to read to me as a kid," I said soothingly, putting my other hand on her other shoulder. "Now that's what I call a good ending.

"KAGOME HANA…"

"A simple yes will suffice. And the key. Then we're good, best buddies, friends to the end," I winked.

"KAGOME!" she screamed, lurching at me with the cane raised up high.

"Lookatthetimegottarun!" I sprinted past her, hoisting up my plentiful skirts out the door.

"YOU COME BACK HERE, MISSIE!"

"Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!" I said back, sticking out my tongue. I skidded past the guards, almost losing a shoe, and continued down the stairs. My ankles were killing me, honestly, but there was no way that for once in my life I would let my nanny catch up to me.

"KAGOMMMEEE!"

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

Inuyasha never felt more overwhelmed in his life. If possible, there were more people than last time! More and more! They went on for miles! Oh, my.

He inched back from the platform, still watching as the King—the King! The actual KING—talked majestically to the crowd.

"We are here today to award this bright young man from the Kingdom of Bunnies the well-deserved award for winning the jousting tournament. But it is not only that the trophy represents. No, it represents…"

Inuyasha tuned the King out. He would love to listen to him reverentially, but he started to see stars again from all the people. And for once in his life, he had nice clothes! They had shiny buttons, too. He toyed with one of them, but then left it alone. They were so bright! He was wearing green and purple and red and oh so many colors! He looked out nervously to the crowd, watching the sea of faces look boredly up at the King.

They were all here to watch him get the trophy. The Prince was out there too, somewhere, watching him. The Prince was kind, saying that if the trophy was nice he would take the trophy from Inuyasha and give it to the King of the Kingdom of Bunnies. The Prince said that if it were really nice, he'd take the extra step and say that he'd won it. How kind the Prince was!

Inuyasha swallowed, touching his buttons again. The clothes felt nice, too. Not like the coarse woven clothes back at the monastery, but silky nice. He smiled to himself. All this for being unable to see through his helmet.

"And this trophy," the King said, swelling him with pride, "Is a representation of the honor of this Kingdom. Honor is followed closely by the respect, and maturity, that our kingdom so stands for!"

"Can't catch me can't catch me!" a girlish voice was heard.

The King froze and the audience chuckled appreciatively as a girl jumped on stage, her tongue sticking to somewhere out by the sides. An old woman hobbled up after her with amazing agility, waving her cane around.

"Kagome Hana Higurashi, get back here right now or you'll get the worse spanking of your life!" the woman cried out in a croaky voice.

"Spank me? Woman, you need to catch me to do that and you're not even close to me!" the girl taunted, dancing back. She licked her finger and pressed it against herself, making a hissing sound while doing so. "When you're hot, you're hot!"

"Kagome," the King muttered darkly, his eyes flashing embarrassedly to the girl. Inuyasha watched with interest. Such strange customs of the land!

"Oh. Hi." She suddenly became aware of the audience. She stared at them for a moment, and then shrugged. "Okay, Dad, what do you want me to do?"

"Take the trophy," my father muttered, "And hand it to him." He jerked a finger my way. Oh! Appreciation from none other than the KING! Inuyasha blushed a deep beet red, shuffling his feet.

"Sure." She grabbed a gigantic golden trophy and staggered under the weight, nearly, and slowly tottered my way. Unsurely, I approached her and gently got the trophy from her. The hand-off was pretty quick. But before the audience fully began its roar of approval, the King stepped forward.

"Not only do you get this wonderful trophy," the King cried, "But you also receive…a life time supply of chocolate!"

Inuyasha felt a smile growing on his lips despite his best attempts against it.

"And my daughter's hand in marriage!"

Inuyasha felt a smile stop growing on his lips. The audience began its wild scream of happiness, but they all suddenly stopped as Inuyasha's words echoed through the trophy and resonated throughout the stadium.

"I won WHAT?"

**Magic and Lemons, End of the Chapter**

**Author's Note:** Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Beware The Bearer of the Spoon

**Author's Note: **This is your authoress speaking. Thank you for reading Stupidity Airlines. Please remain seated and buckle your seatbelts. This will be one of the more boring chapters, due to the fact of high velocity. The next charter will be much more interesting. Hopefully. Full of hope. Please enjoy your ride. And please…the person by the doorway…? Don't try to jump off again. And if you do, take a $ parachute because we can't pay for your #$ lawsuit that you were trying to—

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

I am a reasonable person. I know I am. I know that I am also mildly sane. I'm assured that I am. Now I realize that everything I have ever known is probably false. I guess I shouldn't be overdramatic. But I am. And that's the way it's going to be. Let's go all the way back to where we left of, shall we?

**Magic and Lemons, Break in the Story**

**Chapter Three: Beware the Bearer of the Spoon**

He was kind of cute, I guess. I was sitting on the steps, waiting for something to happen. It rarely did, actually. And when things did happen, I was usually so clueless that I didn't notice it. Swinging my legs slightly past the puffy purple dress (with the huge shoulders, I might add), I watched as Inuyasha (that was his name, by the way. Not Mister Man.) was talking to my father.

An arrogant looking guy was also there, but he was examining his fingernails. He was a total prince. Whenever I hear those stories about princes going in disguise to find out about their people, I laugh. The peasants over there must be really stupid because it's hard to miss a _prince_. They're so totally clueless about the real world.

Anyways, the prince had these clear blue eyes, fair skin, and blond hair. He seemed to be the perfect prince, his tunic right in place, his buttons nice and shining, and every strand of perfect hair in perfect place.

My father seemed to be impressed and as I watched through the library window, he was arguing adamantly about some point. He stretched out his hand to the prince and then nodded towards Inuyasha. The prince looked perfectly confident, responding in return with another nod. Nodding contest.

Inuyasha didn't participate. He was the one I was referring to earlier, I suppose. He looked sort of cute. Not enough to make me gung ho about jumping the broom, but enough to make me feel okay about dating him for a day or two. He was your best friend's brother, the kind of guy you overlook.

I paid attention to him. He didn't even try to talk with the banter from the prince and my father, just looking so intimidated by the royalty surrounding him. That was fairly interesting, actually. I continued to watch as I began to eat my dinner outside. I would have gone inside, especially since a brisk wind had started up. But my nanny had called a manhunt for me inside. Put a mouse in one's bed and one gets really angry. Geesh. One mouse! ONE!

The prince now tipped his perfect nose up, saying something with a wave of a perfectly manicured hand. My father was arguing in return, stroking his big, bushy beard and his two caterpillars for eyebrows furrowing greatly. Inuyasha looked weakly at both of them, shrinking back into his chair.

The first thing I noticed was that he had eyes of different colors. Two different colored eyes. My tutor would have been so proud. One of his eyes was a sparkling shade of green, but the other was a silver-like color, almost gray. That was new. All the people around the castle wore blue eyes, the color of a summer sky. Him? He comes barging in here with horses of another color.

Then I noticed that he was small. And I'm not just talking about small compared to me. I'm fairly tall myself. There are girls around the castle who insist on being the 'youngest' and the 'smallest', as if that made them cute. Honestly, we'd already gotten past the age where cute was in. Now it's mature and elegant that are the key, which I don't have, but isn't the point.

And finally my deductions came around he was a pale-skinned, pixie-looking, intelligent, and nervous kind of guy.

And those were the three main observations I had made.

I took another bite of my dinner, glancing out to the garden castle momentarily. It wasn't very interesting, but nothing really was. It had trees. Grass. Plants. Yeah.

The prince came storming out, nearly walking into me. He gave me a dirty look before continuing down the stairs. I continued to eat, deciding to take a page out of the horse's motto of life. When in doubt, eat.

"Honey, I have bad news," my father said gently, standing at the doorway. I twisted around just enough so I was partly facing him. I had no sudden urges to do a 180 on him and stand atten hut.

"Apparently, the Prince of Bunnies didn't think you were…beautiful…enough for him," my father said difficultly. I thought that was kind of weird. I mean, he says it upfront, and then he feels guilty for it? He just told his daughter that she was ugly and it wasn't until afterwards until his face drooped. My father, the great behemoth of emotions. His words came out of his mouth slowly, weighted down by guilt. It sounded like he was being squeezed when he said that and the shame around his eyes was almost laughable.

So I laughed. "He notices _now_? Man, is he slow-witted. Good riddance. I have no urges to be Queen of Bunnies." Then I paused. "Well, the title sounds cool, but not if I have to be married to him."

"Unfortunately, that means you'll have to marry Inuyasha over here," my father said lamely. He used one beefy hand to make a vague motion inside the castle. "A…monk-in-training."

"Did he already take his oaths?" I asked brightly.

"No."

"Aw." I dampened considerably. Continuing to eat, I turned around to face the garden again.

"But he is very excited to marry you."

"Sure he does. As much as I LOVE to wear puffy dresses," I said, not facing my father. The sun was setting rapidly, casting long shadows against the ground. "The point is that I don't want to marry and he doesn't want to marry me either. He's a monk, for goodness sakes."

"In training," my father sighed, "Come back in here before you catch cold."

I could faintly hear my nanny's shrieks in the castle.

"Nah. I'll stay out here some more, maybe just wander around the beautiful garden," I said whimsically.

"I thought you said that the garden was boring, that it was just trees and vegetarian," he said, his brow furrowing.

"You know me too well. Go and find Mother," I instructed, dusting off my purple dress and marching down the stairs. My hem almost caught on the rail, but I neatly dodged that rip. Seriously, this dress was a moving death trap for me. And if my nanny found ONE MORE rip in my dress, I could hear her now…

"KAGOME HANA HIGURASHI HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO RIP YOUR DRESS IS THAT SUCH A HARD TASK NOOOO BACK IN MY DAY I HAD TO WALK TEN MILES IN A PRETTY DRESS WITHOUT EVEN DIRTYING IT IN THE DEEP MUDDY SNOW BANKS UPHILL BOTH WAYS"

I usually remarked that back in her day, she could have just ridden a dinosaur.

Make a suggestion…

There was a fountain in the middle of the yard. I stared at said fountain. Said fountain started to talk to me again.

"Hi, Kagome."

"Fountain."

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good. You're an inanimate object, you know."

"Yes, I know. It's just that you're weird."

"Yes, I know."

I watched the water bubble and froth as it hit its fellow water molecules. I tried to breathe slowly, calmly, but the corset was a big problem. I poked at it once. It was hard. I poked it again. It was still hard. This corset was pretty tight, I deduced. Then I poked it again. I was thinking that if I poked it hard enough, maybe it would become soft and then I could breathe!

"Hi."

"AH! GET AWAY EVIL CORN HUSK! FEEL THE POINTYNESS OF MY SPOON!" I screamed, spinning around and almost tripping over my dress. Unfortunately, I fell straight on my butt. I had drawn out the sharpest weapon I had on me—a spoon. Hey, we fight with forks. How are spoons any worse?

Inuyasha froze, his hand still partway raised in greeting. His eyes were fixated on the spoon. I slowly moved it to the left. His pupils followed it. Right. Still following. I moved it back and forth and he still stared at it and its sharp, pointy end.

Okay. Dulled end. Same difference.

"What are you doing out here?" I finally said, pocketing my weapon safely in my pocket.

"Um…well…I was just…walking…" he muttered, scuffling his feet on the grass.

"Do you want to sit down?" I asked, eyeing him wearily. He didn't seem to be one of those evil men, so I decided that misery always wanted company or something like that.

"May I?" he asked, his eyebrows abruptly rising.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't you be able to? Unless you were spanked by my nanny. And then I'd understand," I said sympathetically.

Inuyasha colored a deep red again. "No, nothing of that kind. I just thought that it wasn't proper for nobility…"

"Nobility, shombility. Plant your bottom thisaway, lad," I cracked, patting the bench.

"May I, Princess?" he asked hesitantly, his fingers twisting and turning within one another.

"Sure you can," I said, "Just move your butt over here and then drop it."

"…Yes, Princess." He obediently sat down, but with less dramatizing as I made it sound like. For a while, only the faint bubbling of the fountain could be heard.

"If I may ask, what are you thinking about, Princess?"

"Bee hives," I said instantly, "What about you?"

"Me what?"

"Thinking about," I shrugged.

"Lower things that should not concern your highness," he said slowly.

"Your Highness is my father. I'm Yo Mamma."

"What?"

"Just tell me."

"…I was thinking about back home," Inuyasha murmured, shuffling his feet, "Where I hope I'll be going soon."

"Not if my father has his way, which he usually does," I retorted, "I'm probably going to marry you."

"But I want to go back to Saodoso," Inuyasha said wishfully, "No offense to you, Princess."

"None taken. I've just been told that I was ugly—everything seems like a compliment now," I said carelessly.

"Who dares tell you that you're ugly?" Inuyasha gaped.

"Hey, royalty got its downsides," I winked, "Don't worry. I'm used to it. And it doesn't hurt that much if it comes from air-headed princes I don't even like."

"…Oh. Him." Inuyasha fell silent again.

"Tell me about your home," I said, changing the subject, "You don't seem to be the kind of guy who just comes by here on an everyday basis."

"I don't," he muttered, "This is my first time here."

"First timer, huh? I wish I could sympathize with you, but I've been here all my life," I shrugged.

"I come from a pretty monastery, the Monastery of Peace, near the South side of Saodoso Village. It's a small village bordering here and the Kingdom of Bunnies. It's very peaceful there, where we keep the peace in a somewhat violent town," Inuyasha continued, blushing darkly as he continued to speak.

"Heroes," I nodded, "Go on."

"Not heroes, really, just…monks who do their jobs. I was moving onto the next step to becoming a monk when the prince came by and…well…took me for his squire."

"He kidnapped you?" my mouth drooped fairly wide open.

"Not really. He's royalty," he quipped, "and we all just live to serve royalty."

"Royalty, my butt. That man is worse than a swine," I declared.

"Pigs are actually nice creatures. Clean," Inuyasha added.

"Yeah, true. Sorry, pigs of the world." I tossed back my hair—not seductively, but because it was getting in my face.

"But at least I got to see the big city," Inuyasha sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Here's not that good either. My father is kind of…eccentric," I admitted, "He keeps Mother's ashes around."

"Your mother died?"

"Long while back. I was a wee kid. Started laughing in the middle of her funeral. Messy thing. She died of some disease and Father never really got over it," I deadpanned, "He carries her around everywhere. I wish he'd let her go sometimes."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Inuyasha said, sympathy creeping into his voice. I shrugged.

"No big. Nanny's more than filling up that space. Have you seen her, by the way? She's looking for me. I only have a spoon to defend myself," I said wistfully, "I lost my stuffed dog."

"She was still in the castle when I saw her last," Inuyasha admitted, wisely choosing not to ask about my last sentence.

"Good, good." I stroked my spoon. "My precious…"

Inuyasha inched away from me subtly.

"Spoons make good weapons, no matter what you say. They're still somewhat sharp and small, like a jackknife, except nobody looks at you weirdly if you carry them around," I said, raising my eyebrows appreciatively for the facts.

"Interesting," Inuyasha said, smiling sheepishly up at me.

"Sorry. Off topic," I said, stroking my spoon one more time before slipping it in my pocket, "Do you really want to go back home?"

"The monastery is a tough place to live in," Inuyasha sighed, "And living in that town means every moment you're alive is a miracle. It's a bad part of town. But sometimes it's really worth it, when you make a small breakthrough…and the other side of the monastery is simply beautiful. You can close your eyes there and just smell the air…it's wonderful."

I was busy looking at my reflection in the spoon. "Hey, look! I'm upside down." Inuyasha paused, leaning over to see.

"Oh, you are," he said with a pleased voice.

"So you really want to go back home?" I asked, sticking on my tongue and angling the spoon.

"…Yes, Princess."

"Okay. Let's go. Pack yourself, get a horse, and I'll be right back after I change and get a new supply of spoons," I said, getting up. Inuyasha froze.

"W-what?"

"Let's go. Hup one, hup two! Right, left, left right left, left, right, left right left…" I chanted as I marched down the garden path.

"You mean run away?" Inuyasha asked, looking suddenly ill and anxious, "From the King?"

"He's my father," I said, "And that makes it all right. Now hurry up. I only got so long."

Inuyasha was left standing there, gaping fearfully at me.

Beware the bearer of the spoon.

**Magic and Lemons End The Story**

**Author's Note:** I hope you enjoyed!


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